Anxiety happens to the best of us. And for those with a trauma history, it can become such a familiar feeling that we think this is just how things go. We can become accustomed to the physical sensations of anxiety and accept them as our destined fate. But it does not have to be this way. There is treatment and some things you can do when you notice the tightness that can consume us and creep in. It's natural to get lost in your thoughts when stressed out.

We are here to help and provide suggestions for those moments when we notice the shift. Because there is one (a shift)… we are not always 100% anxious. There are moments we are settled. They may be few and far between, but they are there. Maybe when you sink into a hot bath, or you check your bank account and see enough money for rent this month, when you are with a dear friend you know and trust, or when you are in your beloved’s arms. There are moments of ease. And a big part of taking control of your feelings and the seeming high-speed train toward Anxietyville is simply NOTICING when your body, mind, and spirit shift into a more anxious state. Knowing how to manage your mental health differently will help you gain control, focus and achieve inner peace. 

Exercises to Calm Your Mind

Below are some simple exercises can help calm your mind and give you a clearer picture of what's happening.

1. First, it’s that awareness. It’s the moment you can notice and label what is happening. It can be helpful to rate your anxiety from 0-10 (ten being panic attack mode, zero being super chill, relaxed, grounded, and calm). It may sound basic, but noticing and labeling your anxiety is the very first step to gaining control.

2. Know that your breath is directly connected to your feelings. When anxious, we breathe in a way that triggers our fight, flight, freeze, and fawn somatic response. So, check it. When you inhale, does your belly get bigger or smaller? If it’s getting bigger on your inhale, that’s great. It means your parasympathetic system is active. This is the rest and digest function (opposite of the flight, flight, freeze, fawn response). That happens when we are in a regulated, relaxed and grounded state. The magic here is that by regulating our breathing and purposing shifting our bodies' state, we can change how we’re feeling. If you notice your belly gets smaller on the inhale, this is one place you can bring some awareness and shift to help with your anxiety. For some of us (myself included!), we predominantly breathe in a way that activates our fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response. If chronic, this kind of breathing, which I call “reverse” breathing, often results from experiencing traumas early in our lives. If no one has ever shown you this, we are here to do that so you can learn how to correct your breathing, experience peace, and induce a relaxation response. Try it now: When you inhale, see if you can allow your diaphragm to relax and your belly to expand out…it can be very hard and feel unnatural at first, and it takes practice and awareness to shift this, especially if you have a trauma history. You are going up against YEARS of a conditioned breathing pattern that helped you survive. Please know: you are not alone. Many people struggle to reverse their breathing. The point is to notice and do what you can when you can. It took me well into my 30s to learn about this and even longer to naturally re-train my body to breathe in a way that lets my brain know we are safe. Bringing awareness to our breath as it is is one of the first steps in shifting our relationship with our body and our anxiety. When we learn to control our breathing, we can begin to learn to control our emotions, especially those that can lead us toward a panic attack. One of the first things we can do is breathe all of our air out, push it out, and try to empty our breath entirely. Once you’ve done this, your body will naturally inhale, and when it does, use the momentum to allow your belly to expand out. Doing this a few times can begin to reverse that anxiety-breathing cycle.

3. If your thoughts start racing again, which they often do when you’re anxious, bring your awareness back to your breath and notice how it is moving through your body. This process can help settle the mind. Think of it like a jar with sand in it. When we shake the jar, the water is unsettled, with debris floating and not transparent. When we set it down, we can see how the debris and sand settle, clearing the water. Our minds are the same.

4. If this is hard for you, try listening to music and following the words of the songs in your mind. This in and of itself can create a type of meditation, allowing your mind to focus on something other than what is causing you anxiety. It’s always good to find your power song and your relaxation song. Do you have them? If not, that’s your homework! Discover which songs help you feel powerful and which ones bring you calm.

5. When stuck in a looping thought storm, NOTICE and ask yourself: "Is this even true?" A lot of the time, our minds are being so mean to us! Our minds can feel like our worst enemy at times, and if we don’t step in and say, “NO! This is not true, I’m not listening to this” and create a boundary, these enemy thoughts will often continue to tell us we’re not worthy, or we’re fat, or ugly or worse. When you know you are feeling anxiety, stop and see if you can notice what your mind tells you. If you are feeling anxious, it is likely telling you something that is not helpful and fueling a narrative that has been with us for a long time. Ask yourself if the thought is kind or if it’s a thought of a critic. If it’s a critic's thought, see if you can acknowledge it: “Ok, I hear you. You think I suck at this and I’ll never do any better at FILL IN THE BLANK,” and then try to say the opposite thing. Notice how that feels. Notice the power of words. Notice the stark shift inside your body with both. Notice the debate ensuing—notice, notice, notice. And in doing so, you can observe that you are NOT your thought. There is power in this practice; the more you work with it, the stronger you’ll get at it. A pro tip: if you can stop and really listen to these thoughts, you may even notice how old they are. Often, these thoughts are voices (parts) of our younger selves and are simply repeating what we have been told by adults in our younger selves’ lives. This is going into Internal Family Systems (IFS) territory, so if you are curious about exploring this more, look for an IFS-trained therapist.

6. And lastly, remember that it's okay not to know the answers right now—and that as long as you keep moving forward with whatever choices and actions make sense for YOU right now (not anyone else), everything else will fall into place eventually, too.

We know it’s not easy and requires dedication and practice, but we are here to tell you: it’s worth it. These exercises are some ways to start gaining control over your conditioned mind. As funny as it may seem, our minds are like little puppies that need training—running amok, chewing on everything in site, peeing everywhere. Once we can stop and notice what is happening, we can devise a plan to take back control. Your bodies will thank us, and you’ll feel more confident and in control. If you have a history of trauma, getting professional support’s always a good idea. We CAN’T do this work alone. None of us can. It does not make you weak to ask for help. We’re here for you and can connect you to a provider who can help you navigate this and find peace. You deserve to have peace in your mind, body, and spirit. You got this, and we’re here to help!

Thanks for reading <3